Question:
I have just been called to be a welfare specialist in my LDS ward where we have more than 160 low-income housing apartments. I would like insights into how to coach those who need help in lifting their hopes and lives a little. How can I help them stay optimistic? Answer: I would love to share some tips on choosing a positive mindset, and hopefully you will have opportunities to share these principles with the people you serve. I would recommend you do a lot of listening first, though. People must know that you care, before they care about what you know. Listening shows people that you value them as they are, where they are, and are not just trying to fix them. Then, I would ask if they are open to some advice. Permission questions show people that you honor and respect them. Then you might share the following principles and suggestions. Principle 1: You have the power to choose your attitude. You may not have control over the events in your life, but you do get to choose how you will experience those events. It is the one choice no one can take from you. We learned this from Viktor Frankl, who spent time in Nazi concentration camps. They took everything he had, but they could not take away his power to choose his attitude, he said. Even though he was in the worst situation imaginable, he chose love over fear. You have the power to choose love over fear, too. Principle 2: When choosing your attitude, you have only two choices: fear, or trust and love (every other state falls under one of those). This makes the choice a simple one. In every moment of your life, you can consciously choose a mindset of trust and love, or you can react unconsciously without thinking. If you do this, your subconscious mind will usually choose fear. I recommend consciousness. Conscious choice requires you to wake up and become aware of what you are experiencing and how you are reacting to that experience. You have to get off autopilot and choose how you want to feel in this moment. This will require practice and effort if you have been asleep most of your life. You may also have created some subconscious bad habits: things like taking things too personally, over-generalizing, catastrophizing or creating unnecessary drama to get attention. You will have to start catching these behaviors and consciously choosing something better. The first step is choosing to see the process of life as a safe one. Principle 3: Choosing to see life as a classroom, not a test, will take your fear of failure off the table. When you choose to trust the process of life and see it as your perfect process of growth, it will take the fear of loss off the table. Living from this place will create more peace and joy. I recommend you make this your official policy: life is a classroom and my value isn’t on the line. Give yourself permission to be a work in progress, a person who doesn't have to be perfect. This mindset will change the way you feel about mistakes and misfortune. Dr. Martin Seligman, in his book "Learned Optimism," said the main difference between optimists and pessimists is that pessimists see failure and misfortune as permanent and personal, while optimists see misfortune as non-permanent and non-personal, meaning they don't let mistakes affect their value or define who they are. You get to decide how you want to experience each situation in your life. I highly recommend seeing each experience as a lesson or a location on your journey, which has nothing to do with who you are. Here are some other suggestions for a positive attitude:
I know that it is hard to stay positive when things go wrong, but the only other choice (fear and depression) will make you more miserable — so keep working at choosing trust and love, and it will get easier over time. You can do this. Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of ldslifecoaching.com and claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem.
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Question:
I enjoyed your articles about forgiving other people, but how do you forgive yourself and move on when you have made many mistakes? That is what I struggle with. Answer: You are not alone. Most of us hold on to past mistakes and let them affect our self-esteem for way too long. This is not healthy and does not serve anyone. Here are eight suggestions that may help you to forgive yourself: 1. Choose to see past experiences as locations on your journey through life, instead of letting them define who you are If you were on a road trip and drove through Texas, would the time you spent there make you a Texan? Of course not. It was just the location you drove through; it doesn’t change who you are. Your value is the same no matter what you experience along your journey. Mistakes teach you important lessons, but they don’t define who you are — at least they don't have to. You can see them as locations on your journey if you choose to. 2. Give yourself permission to be a work in progress Choose to see life as a classroom, not a testing center. You have the option to believe that your value isn’t on the line here and you are not being graded — you are just here to learn and grow. Seeing life as a classroom helps you focus on the lessons so you can forgive yourself and try to do better next time. 3. Understand how pointless shame is I believe "shame" stands for: should have already mastered everything. That is ridiculous. You are a student in the classroom of life. There is no way could know it all, all the time. Give yourself permission to be an imperfect work in progress. You are learning and growing and that is enough. 4. Figuratively get rid of it for good You could write it down on paper and burn it. You could write what you did, put it in a box and bury it in the backyard. Then make a rule that you can’t bring it up again, unless you dig the box up first. (This exercise is great for couples who keep fighting about the past too.) Bury that stuff deep and let it die there. There is no sense wasting energy on things you can’t change. Focus on the future instead. 5. Learn some new skills Focus on making your future brighter. This is in your control. Be present and find ways to improve yourself daily. Learning new skills is great for your self-esteem. 6. Imagine there is a dark room in your house where you can stash negative thoughts and emotions Every time negative thoughts show up, which aren't worth processing anymore, visualize putting them in the dark room and slamming the door. You can always go in there, if you need to process it some more and dwell in self-pity. But you could also leave the negativity in the dark room forever. This empowers you to have control over what to do with those feelings. 7. Clean out your closets and your house Most people, who hold on to old stuff, are also holding on to old ways of thinking and feeling. When you get rid of your old stuff, you can send your old beliefs, mistakes and fears out with it. Cleaning your house out will make you feel fresh and new on every level. 8. Change it up and try new things Break out of your old ruts and change some things. Try new outfit combinations, new foods, new restaurants, new sports or new kinds of movies. The more you break out of routine and change it up, you will also open yourself up to feel differently about yourself and your life. Steve Maraboli, in his book "Life, the Truth, and Being Free," said “Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” The past is out of your control; there is nothing you can do to change it. Let it go. Choose joy for today. You can do this. Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of ldslifecoaching.com and claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem. Question:
I always have the feeling that people are judging me and my self-esteem often depends entirely on how they treat me (or how I perceive their treatment). I worry about wearing the right clothes and saying the right things. I know people probably aren’t that focused on me, but I can’t stop worrying about what they think. How can I stop being afraid? Answer: Everyone deals with the fear of judgment at some level. It makes no sense that we give other people this much power over how we feel about ourselves, but we often do. This happens to you more when you aren't sure who you are. If you worry about what others think of you, you may need to clearly define who you are and what affects your value, once and for all. Clearly defining these two things will help you to take your power back. I believe your value is infinite and absolute (unchangeable) because you are a one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable human soul. I believe nothing you do, nothing anyone else says, thinks or does to you, and no situation in your life, can change your value. You are the same no matter what they think. I believe you are as bulletproof as Superman. Offenses, insults and judgments can just bounce off, if you experience them that way. No one can hurt you without your permission. I believe you are (literally) your love for yourself, people and life, and your love is the source of your value. That's why you can't lose who you are. If you would focus on being the love everywhere you go, the fear of judgment would stop, because you can't do fear and love at the same time. Here are some other things you can do to diminish the fear.
Hope this helps. Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of ldslifecoaching.com and claritypointcoaching.com. She is a life coach and speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem. Question:
My husband and I have been married about four years now and we have accrued some debt. It seems like whenever I speak with my husband about our spending and paying down our debts, we have a fight. He asserts that I am spending too much, while I assert that he is a loose cannon with money. How do we get to be on the same page so that we stop fighting over this issue? Answer: Couples fight most about the same two things — money and sex. Fights about sex are usually based in your fear of not being good enough, loved or accepted. Fights about money are usually based in the fear of loss (the fear of losing money and losing control over whatever money represents for you) or a fear of failure. In order to change the way you communicate about money, you must get clear about your fears. Why do discussions about money trigger fear in each of you? Figure the answers to these questions first: What does money represent to you? And what does it represent to your spouse? Here are some possibilities:
Remember, when you were single you had total control over all financial decisions. Now that you’re married, you have lost some of that control. This could be a large part of the problem because this loss of control could lead to disastrous failure. Together as a team you must create some rules that will lessen your fears. Make a few rules that calm your own fears, and a few rules that make your spouse feel better. Here are some ideas that might help: Never fight about money in the moment when your fear is first triggered. Make it your policy to always step back, go through the questions above and get clarity before talking about money with your spouse. Listen to and validate each other’s feelings. Having mutually validating conversations is the key to a good marriage. Honor and respect your spouse’s right to see the situation the way they see it. Respectfully ask permission to share your feelings and then do so in a kind, loving way. Use “I” statements more than “you” statements and focus more on future behavior than past behavior. Create compromises that put both your fears to rest. Set rules and limits you are both comfortable with. Create a budget and honor it. Make rules about how much you will spend per week on small things. Agree that on purchases (over a certain amount) you will talk to each other first. Rules like these make everyone feel safer. Keep the rules — this is the most important way you can honor your commitment to your spouse. You cannot have love without trust. Be honest. Never lie to your spouse. It’s better to tell them what they won’t want to hear than to lie and destroy the trust in your relationship. Make a plan to get out of debt and start saving. This creates peace of mind and lessens fear in everyone. Remember, fear is the real problem here. Figuring out what money represents to each of you, and what you are afraid of, will bring clarity about what rules need to happen in your home. You should also choose a mindset of wisdom and trust. Make wise decisions and then trust that everything will be okay. Trust and optimism make life a lot more enjoyable. You can do this. Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of ldslifecoaching.com and claritypointcoaching.com. She is a life coach and speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem. Question:
I have a real problem with fear. I find myself paralyzed at times because I’m so afraid of all the things that could go wrong. Sometimes I can’t make a decision because I’m so worried about making a mistake. This fear is affecting my business and holding me back in life. Do you have any suggestions to help me overcome this? Answer: Every moment of your life, you are facing the unknown around the next corner. There is a 50/50 chance that what awaits you is terrible, but there is also a 50/50 chance things will be better than they are today. So why do you assume the worst? Remember that the unknown is called the unknown for a reason — you don’t know what it is. Borrowing pain from the unknown future and suffering over it today is a pointless waste of energy. Standing in this place, facing the unknown, you only have two choices. You can spend today afraid that tomorrow will be bad, which will make you anxious, distracted and selfish (because you can’t focus on others when you are in fear). Or you can spend today in trust that tomorrow will be great, which will make you calm, optimistic and loving today. Your choice will not affect what will happen tomorrow. The unknown will be, what it is meant to be, either way. But your choice will greatly affect the quality of today. Choosing to be optimistic would be a lot more fun, and optimistic people tend to live longer. A study done at the University of Pittsburgh showed that optimistic people were 30 percent less likely to die from heart disease than pessimists, and 14 percent less likely to die from any other disease. Bottom line, being optimistic is good for you. If you struggle with getting your pessimistic attitude out of the way, this is how I recommend you do it: 1. Decide what you believe about life. Is life a classroom or a testing center? Are you here to prove your worth or are you here to learn and grow? It can’t be both. This journey is either a test designed to trick you, tempt you and possibly crush you or it is a safe process where the universe is on your side and helping you grow. I believe the journey is about growing and learning. I believe it is a divine process designed just for me to facilitate my growth. I believe every experience that shows up in my life is there to help me become better. I believe the universe is on my side, and even when bad things happen, they are still there for my benefit. I believe that even if I fail on occasion, those failures will serve me. I believe life is a classroom, and my value isn’t on the line here. Because I choose to see life this way, I’m not scared of mistakes or failures. I know I will recover and things will be okay. I trust the process of life, and this takes away my fear of the unknown. 2. Choose to believe there is a net. Life is like a walk across a tight wire. It appears to be risky and dangerous. Sometimes we are scared we are going to fall or fail and that everything will be lost. We often struggle to find our balance and stay upright. The question is, is there a net? Every time I’ve been to the circus and watched someone walk the wire, there has been a big net underneath them the whole time. It may have looked scary, but they were never in any danger. I believe you have a net. Your life might look and feel scary, but you are not in any danger. Life is a classroom designed to facilitate your learning — so you can’t fail at it. There is a net, or plan, or purpose that makes this journey a safe one and means your value is not on the line. (Take a minute and think about your personal spiritual beliefs. Are they consistent with this idea? Mine are.) I recommend that you make this your official policy on life. Officially decide to see the process of life as a safe one. Officially decide to see life as a classroom, not a test. Officially decide to feel safe because there are no mistakes, only lessons. Or you can spend every day in fear and anxiety, if you want to. Some people are going to read this article (as they always do) and in the comments section they are probably going to tell me I’ve got my head in the clouds because life is a cruel mean place and bad things happen and you have every right to be afraid. I will give them this — I cannot prove there’s a net and this journey is a safe one, but they can’t prove it isn’t. Think about it. I think you get to choose what you believe. You get to decide how you want to experience your life. You can experience every day in fear or you can choose trust. I choose to trust there’s a net. It helps. (Some days you will have to make this choice every 5 minutes, but you can do it.) Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of ldslifecoaching.com and claritypointcoaching.com. She is a life coach and speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem. Question:
I am, admittedly, a drama queen. I know I overreact to things and am even prone to temper tantrum-like behavior. I get offended a lot and am always mad, sad or upset. Can you give me advice that would help me stop making things bigger than they really are? I am starting to see these same tendencies in my kids and I’d really like to teach them to handle things better. Answer: You can calm yourself down in the moment to avoid drama-queen tendencies. Below are some questions to ask yourself when things go wrong. You can teach your children to ask themselves these questions too: • How big a deal with this be 10 years from now? Step back from this problem and try to get a long-term perspective on it. Chances are it feels bigger than it really is. • Am I taking this more personally than I have to? Most people behave badly when they are scared for themselves. They are scared they are not good enough or they are afraid of loss. These fears drive most of their behavior. Is this other person experiencing these fears and is that fear driving their behavior? If so, it’s not really about me. I can choose to let it go. • Is my fear of not being good enough in the way? This fear makes me think everything is about me when it really isn’t. It makes me blow problems out of proportion and it makes me get offended by things that really can’t hurt me. Am I applying my fear to this situation unnecessarily? • Do I remember nothing can diminish me? My value is infinite and absolute. I am the same regardless of what others think. I cannot be wounded without my participation. I can choose to see myself as bulletproof. I could decide to let this offense bounce off. Even if I choose to address this offense, I will do so with the understanding that my value was never on the line. • Do I realize I get to choose how I will experience each situation? I can choose to be hurt and offended if I want to. I can create all kinds of unnecessary drama and gossip around this offense. I can use it to cast the other person as the bad guy so I can feel superior. I could use it to play the victim and get sympathy love, but if I choose this, people will lose respect for me and I will be giving away my power. I will not allow circumstances or other people to dictate my emotions or behavior. I have the power to choose how I will feel and respond. I choose joy, love, and peace because it makes me feel better about myself. • Am I seeing this person or people as the same as me? Fear of not being good enough makes me see other people as better than me or worse than me. This mindset creates unnecessary drama, self-pity and conflict. In reality, we are all the same. We all have the same value. We are all struggling, scared, divine, amazing human beings in process. We are all students in the classroom of life and we are all afraid we aren’t good enough. I choose to see other people as the same as me. I know I'm imperfect too, so I can’t cast the first stone. When I see this situation accurately, I can respond with love, compassion and wisdom. • What does this person really want and need? What is the underlying cause of their behavior? Most people behave badly because they desperately need love, attention or validation. Bad behavior is not a good way to request love, attention and validation — but this person does not know a better way. When other people are behaving badly I can give them love, attention or validation. It won't be easy, but I can do it. • Do I realize there are times when a person’s bad behavior needs to be addressed? I will talk to them in a strong, loving and validating way. I will set aside my need to be right, superior or angry. I will focus on my love for them and my desire to have a good relationship. I will listen to how they feel and what they think first. I will honor and respect their right to feel the way they do. I will not disagree or criticize them. After I have listened to them, I will ask permission to share my feelings. I will use “I” statements not “you” statements and I will focus on the future behavior I’d like to see, not on their past behavior (which they cannot change). I will ask them if, in the future, they would be willing to behave differently. I choose to see myself and other people accurately and keep problems in perspective. I treat people with respect and love and this makes me feel peaceful, powerful and free. I choose mature, strong, loving behavior in every situation. If you still have a hard time finding a clear perspective and calming yourself down, you may want to find a counselor or coach to help you. A little professional help can make a big difference. You can do this. Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem. Question:
My child is scared of almost everything. I think he is more worried about safety than a 9-year-old should be. (He is not excited about Halloween at all.) How can I help him overcome these fears and have more fun? Answer: Halloween is a great time to talk to children about scary things and dealing with fear. Here are a couple suggestions:
Help your child understand that life is not trying to beat us or hurt us; it is facilitating experiences to help us grow and become better and stronger. (Life is on your side!) Even though bad things do happen on occasion, we are not alone and in the end we will be OK. This mindset will lay a solid foundation of strength and help your child handle life with confidence. (You may need to change your own beliefs about life first. Remember, children learn more from who you are and how you live than what you say. You must learn to see life as a safe experience and overcome your own fears before you can teach them, because you can't fake trust. If life feels threatening and unsafe to you, you may want to seek some professional help yourself.) 5. Discuss ways to see a situation accurately (because fear can skew the truth). Teach your child how to process a situation accurately and recognize what’s real and what’s not. Halloween is a great time to work on this one. Help him to see that most of the time the things we are afraid of aren't real, don’t happen, or aren’t as bad as we thought they were. Fear exaggerates things and makes them seem worse than they really are. Teach your child how to step back from a fear and get to the truth about it. You can even role play some scary situations and help your child identify what's real. 6. Teach your child relaxation and self-calming skills. We all need to learn ways to calm ourselves down when we are stressed or scared. Teach your child how to use slow breathing, visualization or prayer to let go of fear. 8. If your child's fear is still keeping him from enjoying life, seek out some professional help. Hope this helps make Halloween more fun! Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem. Question:
I have a friend (for lack of better word) who was really mean to me back in college. She talked behind my back, stole some of my things and never really apologized. I still see her at weddings, reunions and sometimes just around town. I'm normally a confident person, but as soon as I spot her my heart drops down into my stomach and I shrivel into myself. Last time I anticipated seeing her, I got so nervous I could hardly eat. Why does she have this strange power over me, and how can I get past it? Answer: She only has power over you because you are letting her have it. Your subconscious mind thinks you are unsafe around this person. It sees her as a threat, the same way it might react to a grizzly bear. You literally feel threatened and in danger around her. You can take back your power by just changing the way you see yourself. When you learn to see yourself accurately, you will feel safe in any situation. Right now, you see her as a threat because you (inaccurately) believe that you can be hurt or diminished. Your subconscious mind thinks her opinion of you means something (that if they think something negative, it might be true). All of these assumptions are false. Other people can think you are a horrible, stupid, terrible, ugly person, and it won’t change who you actually are. You are the same you no matter what anyone thinks. There is no reason to feel threatened by anyone, because in reality they can’t hurt you. What they think of you should not influence or change the way you feel about yourself. When you know (deep down) that you are amazing, whole, bulletproof and good enough, right now, the fear you experience around this person will disappear. You need to understand how bulletproof, amazing and safe you really are. Your value is never on the line. Your life is a classroom, and you are an irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind soul on a journey of learning and growth. Your value is not in question. Your value is infinite and absolute. This means that nothing anyone says or does can change your value. Nothing you do (or don’t do) can take away from it. Are you getting this? You are exactly who you are meant to be right now. You are right where you are supposed to be on your unique journey of growth. You are literally un-diminishable and no one can hurt you. That is, no one can hurt you or make you feel small without your permission. If they are “making you feel" less than good, it is because you are afraid you are less than good. You are the one seeing yourself that way. If you weren’t afraid of them, their opinions wouldn’t have the power to hurt you. You must choose to see yourself as strong, valuable and good enough. You must know this as truth so firmly that no person or situation can take that knowledge away from you. No matter what they do, say or think about you, you are still the same you. There are three things you can practice that will change how you feel in these situations: 1. Practice knowing the truth about who you are and see yourself accurately. Choose to see yourself as bulletproof, infinitely and absolutely valuable. Choose to feel safe in this moment (and every moment) because no one can really hurt you. 2. Practice seeing the other person accurately. Choose to see this person as a scared, struggling human being in process, just like you. Understand that most people’s bad behavior is driven by a fear that they aren’t good enough. This means that their bad behavior is about their fear about themselves — it isn’t about you. When someone behaves badly toward you, step back from it and choose to see the fear that is driving their behavior. They will often make you out as the bad guy so they can feel better about themselves. Don’t take this personally. Just because they think it’s true doesn’t make it true. When you choose to see this person accurately, you will have more compassion and wisdom. You will see that their bad behavior is really a request for love — all bad behavior is. Decide to love her instead of fearing her. 3. Practice forgiving, by choosing love. Forgiving is really about seeing the situation accurately so it doesn’t hurt you anymore. Forgiving is about choosing love over fear. If you feel threatened, intimidated or less than someone else, you can change the way you feel, in an instant, by choosing to love that person instead. When you choose to focus on brotherly love and compassion for this person and even give them love and validation (even though they don't seem to need it) all your fear will disappear. This is a universal principle of truth: You cannot experience love and fear at the same time. Choose to focus on love and, I promise, you will not only eliminate your fear, you will also feel powerful, strong and fantastic about who you are. You can do this. Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing self esteem and restoring hope. Question:
I don't feel like I am really able to open up to people and make emotional connections and attachments anymore. I am extremely self-conscious and have very few close friends and family. What can I do to help myself open up and make those connections again? Answer: It sounds like you suffer from social anxiety, a psychological condition where one experiences intense fear and discomfort in social situations. People who suffer from this disorder are especially worried about what others think of them. They are overly focused on avoiding rejection, embarrassment or looking bad. Does this sound like you? Your fear of rejection will disappear when you realize that rejection doesn’t mean what you think it means. Rejection only feels dangerous because you have attached meaning to the experience. Your subconscious mind says, “If other people think I’m stupid, inferior or worthless, that must mean I am.” This is not accurate. In reality, rejection doesn’t mean anything, except that these people have issues with putting others down so they can feel bigger. It says more about them than it does about you. If these people really do judge you or think less of you — if they have a need to reject others to make everyone else the bad guy — to feel good about themselves, making them the good guy, this is their problem and not yours. It has nothing to do with you. You are the same you, no matter what these people think about you. Nothing they think or say about you can diminish who you are. Your value is infinite and absolute because you are an amazing, one-of-a-kind, incomparable soul. Your value is never on the line. You are bulletproof. There is nothing to be afraid of. Rejection doesn’t mean anything. It only has power over you if you let it. You can take risks, meet people and start conversations with no fear whatsoever about your value, because you cannot be diminished by anything you say or do. You will be the same you regardless. Nothing can diminish who you are. Besides, to be this focused on yourself is out of harmony with being your highest, best self. Being this self-conscious is actually selfish. All fear is. Fear is about you. When you are experiencing fear about your own value, you cannot pay attention to or love anyone else. You are not capable of love because all you can see is you. This behavior is not consistent with who you really are. You are a loving being and it is your true nature to lift, serve and care about others. People who are comfortable in social situations are usually more focused on caring about, lifting and loving other people. They understand their value isn’t on the line, so they don't have to worry about themselves. They will often ask questions about other people and let them do most of the talking. Asking questions and listening is a powerful way to make people feel valued. It is also safer. You are less likely to say the wrong thing when you are mostly just listening. Social anxiety can be overcome. You can change the subconscious program that creates these fears by consciously choosing to trust in your value and love other people. When you start to experience fear, run through the following principles in your mind. You will be amazed at the difference this makes.
Overcoming this fear will be a process. Take your time and ease into it. You are right on track in your process of growth. You can do this. Kimberly Giles is the founder of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought-after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in self-esteem and overcoming fear. Question:
Can you give me some advice on how to put the past behind me and move forward? I’m haunted by the mistakes I’ve made and how they have hurt my family. Is it possible to let them go and feel good again? Answer: Imagine your life as a road trip. On this road trip there are high points and low points. Some of the experiences are fun, some are scary and others are miserable. Each of these experiences is a location on your journey through life. These experiences do not define who you are. They are just places you've been. Just because you spent time traveling through Texas doesn’t make you a Texan. Texas was a location on your journey; it is not who you are. The thing you must understand about your past is that each experience — each location you visited — has brought you to where you are today. Each experience taught you things. Some experiences taught you about who you don't want to be now. Some showed you options in human behavior and the consequences of those options. Each experience served a divine purpose in your life. You must embrace what each location taught you, and understand that you are not there anymore. You are a different person now. The person you are today wouldn’t make the choices you made then (though that is partly because of what you learned from making those choices the first time). You cannot change the past, nor should you want to. Your journey taught you perfect lessons. But you can refuse to let your past define you now. You left Texas and you aren’t going back. Now, in this place, you get to choose who you want to be today. Here are a couple suggestions for putting the past behind you:
This is the key to a successful and happy life. Examine the past, understand it and learn from it. Then, leave it in the past and move forward. Put the lessons to work by making better choices today. Choose to see the past as a location on your road trip; do not let it define who you are. If you see experiences accurately, you will be grateful for the lessons and empowered to be a better you. Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes Clarity: seeing yourself, others and situations accurately. |
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AuthorKimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC. She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio. Archives
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