Searchable Blog Coach Kim Giles from KSL.COM
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search

Watch out for non-productive guilt

5/27/2013

0 Comments

 
Question:

I worked hard for 48 years, now I am retired and drawing a pension. My question to you is, “Is it normal to have feelings of guilt for being retired?” Most days I can do chores, projects or whatever comes along, without a thought of guilt. Then all of a sudden I feel guilty about this money I am getting, when I’m not doing anything to earn it. How do I get to the point where I don’t feel embarrassed or guilty about being retired?

Answer:

You must change the way you see your situation and consciously choose to replace feelings of guilt with something more productive.

There are situations where experiencing guilt is appropriate and productive, namely when you do something wrong or mistreat someone. In these situations, a little guilt is a good thing because it motivates you to change, but experiencing guilt when you have done nothing wrong is not appropriate and doesn’t serve anyone.

Feeling a sense of guilt because you aren’t working for a living (when you have worked hard your entire life to get here) is unproductive guilt and a waste of energy. it also prevents you from showing up for other people. Your guilt keeps you focused on yourself and your fear of not being good enough, and in this place you might not see other people and their needs.

You cannot experience guilt and love at the same time. Guilt is about you, love is about other people. The fastest way out of guilt is to focus on your love for someone else.

Your guilt may also be tied to your fears of what other people think of you. If other people (and their judgment of you) weren’t in the mix, you might not feel guilty at all.

If this is true for you, remember people who judge you are usually jealous or worried they won’t get what you have. This fear of loss may, at times, cause them to cast you as the bad guy (because it subconsciously makes them feel better) but that doesn’t make it true. You are not a bad person because your situation makes them feel insecure or unsafe.

The way they choose to feel about your situation is not your problem.

You have no control over how they choose to feel, and it is not your responsibility to feel guilty so they feel better. It would be more productive for you to focus on validating, caring about and encouraging these people, choosing love instead of fear.

You may also need to work on your self-esteem. You might see yourself as less valuable because you aren’t working anymore. You may have used your job as your main source of validation and without it your sense of self-worth may have taken a hit. You may need to work on reinventing a new sense of self-worth around who you are now. (You may want to get some help from a coach or counselor to do this.)

The following is my recipe for increasing self-esteem and eliminating non-productive guilt:

1) Get busy doing productive things, learning and growing every day. If you stay active and constantly work on improving yourself, your life will have purpose and meaning.

2) Give yourself permission to be a work in progress (a student in the classroom of life). Choose to believe there are no mistakes, only perfect lessons. Embrace the lessons and let guilt and shame go.

3) Trust that your value isn’t on the line and what other people think of you is irrelevant. If they are jealous or judgmental, it is because they are afraid for themselves. It has nothing to do with you. Choose to love them instead of feeling guilty.

4) Choose to see yourself and your value accurately. Choose to see other people as the same as you (not better or worse). Choose to remember your value is infinite and absolute no matter what anyone thinks or does. Your value is the same whether you are working or not.

5) Focus on loving, validating and lifting other people, especially the people who judge you. Push the limits of your love and validate the people you think don’t need it and the people who think they are better than you. You will feel powerful and amazing when you do this.

6) Ask yourself this question often, “Does this attitude serve me or anyone else?” If the answer is no, immediately replace your negative thoughts with something that does serve you. Try gratitude, love or trust.

You have the power to choose your attitude in every moment, make sure you are claiming that power and consciously choosing a productive mindset. You are the one who gets to decide how you will feel about your life. You will stop feeling guilty — as soon as you decide not to.

You can do this. 

Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of ldslifecoaching.com and claritypointcoaching.com. She is a life coach and speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Search for Help

    Visit www.12shapes.com
    and
    Claritypointcoaching.com
    FOR MORE FREE
    RESOURCES
    ​
    Coaching is less expensive than you think -  If you need help we can find you a coach you can afford. 
    Call Tiffany
    801-201-8315

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Aging
    Anger
    Blended Families
    Boundaries
    Changing Emotions
    Choices
    Christmas
    Clear Thinking
    Communication
    Critisism
    Dating
    Dealing With The Past
    Decisions
    Depression
    Difficult People
    Discouragement
    Divorce
    Empathy
    Equality
    Family
    Fighting
    Forgiveness
    Goals
    Happiness
    Helping Other People
    Human Behavior
    Illness
    Intimacy
    Kindness
    Listening
    Love
    Marriage
    Mental Health
    Mistakes
    Money
    New Year
    Overcoming Fear
    Overwhelm
    Pandemic
    Parenting
    People Skills
    Pornography
    Procrastination
    Regret
    Relationships
    Religion
    Responsibility
    Self Care
    Self-care
    Self Esteem
    Self Improvement
    Selfpity
    Sex
    Solving Problems
    Step Families
    Step-families
    Technology
    Teens
    Tragedy
    Trusting Life
    Trust Issues
    Values
    Victim Mentality
    Work

    Take the Clarity Assessment
    Join our Mailing List

    Author

    Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC.  She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.

     She writes a regular weekly advice column that is published on KSL.com every Monday. She is the author of the books Choosing Clarity and The People Guidebook. 

    Go to www.12shapes.com to improve all your relationships. 


    Archives​

    March 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly