Searchable Blog Coach Kim Giles from KSL.COM
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search

LIFEadvice: How to stop feeling intimidated by others

1/23/2012

0 Comments

 
Question:

I often find myself intimidated by other people. I realize I make all sorts of assumptions about what they think about me, most of which leave me feeling intimidated and inadequate in some way. I can tell that those assumptions keep me from building relationships with people. Could you give me some advice on overcoming this?

Answer:

Intimidation and assumptions are caused by your own fears about not being good enough.

Principle: Fear is the root cause of most problems.

You must stop doubting your value. You must stop comparing yourself to other people. You are an incomparable being!

You are intrinsically and extrinsically different from everyone else on the planet; you are on a different journey and here to learn different lessons. There is no level where comparing yourself with others makes sense. It would be like comparing a strawberry, a grape, a peach and a cantaloupe to see which is better. The truth is, they are each perfect in their own way.

You are also a one of a kind. There will never be another YOU. This makes you irreplaceable and your value absolute. Remember, nothing anyone thinks about you can change your value.

Principle: Assumptions about what other people think of you are usually unfounded. 

We all have a tendency to create stories that put us “below” or make us judged by other people. When you create these stories, you are usually projecting your own fears and insecurities about yourself onto these people.

Most of the time they aren’t thinking about you at all.

Principle: We have a tendency to see other people as different from us. We tend to see others as either better than us or worse than us. 

Your subconscious mind sees everyone in terms of good guys and bad guys. It will see some people as the bad guys (worse than you) so you can feel like the good guy (superior). Others your mind will see as the good guys (better than you) so you can experience self-pity drama about how “less than” or bad you are.

Neither of these is ever accurate.

The truth is, we are all the same. We are all amazing, irreplaceable, scared, struggling human beings in process. No one is less than or better than anyone else. We all have good intentions and good hearts, and we all behave badly on occasion, too.

There may be some people who are actually “bad,” but they are the exception to the rule. Most people are doing the best they can with what they know and want to be good.

When it comes to our value as human beings, we are all the same. We cannot cast stones at anyone else, nor should we put anyone "above" us. You must choose to step back and see yourself and the situation without “good guy/bad guy” drama. This more accurate perspective is a choice you can make.

Whenever you experience intimidation, run through the following three truths:

  1. My value is infinite and absolute. Nothing anyone thinks about me can change it. I am the same incomparable good me, no matter what.
  2. I am right on track in my perfect journey of learning and growing, and each experience is here to teach me a lesson I need to learn. Everyone else is right on track in their perfect journey, too.
  3. I choose to see other people as the same as me. They are an amazing, irreplaceable, scared, struggling human being in process — just like me
Principle: To eliminate intimidation in any setting, choose love instead. When you choose to focus on love for that person, you can’t stay in fear.

You can only be in one of two places in any moment. You are either in fear and worried about getting love and validation, or you are in trust about your value and able to give love and validation to others.

When I say to focus on love, I am not talking about being a doormat and giving this person whatever they want. You can handle yourself with strength and confidence and show them you value them as a human being at the same time. Choose to focus on making them feel validated instead of worrying about your value. This is a (love-based) giving energy instead of a fearful one.

Make the decision to set aside your fears and focus on caring about this person who intimidates you. Focus on edifying them: Ask questions and listen to them and let them feel God’s love for them through you.

It will change the experience.

You can do this.

“A man who is intimate with God is not intimidated by man.” -Leonard Ravenhill 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Search for Help

    Visit www.12shapes.com
    and
    Claritypointcoaching.com
    FOR MORE FREE
    RESOURCES
    ​
    Coaching is less expensive than you think -  If you need help we can find you a coach you can afford. 
    Call Tiffany
    801-201-8315

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Aging
    Anger
    Blended Families
    Boundaries
    Changing Emotions
    Choices
    Christmas
    Clear Thinking
    Communication
    Critisism
    Dating
    Dealing With The Past
    Decisions
    Depression
    Difficult People
    Discouragement
    Divorce
    Empathy
    Equality
    Family
    Fighting
    Forgiveness
    Goals
    Happiness
    Helping Other People
    Human Behavior
    Illness
    Intimacy
    Kindness
    Listening
    Love
    Marriage
    Mental Health
    Mistakes
    Money
    New Year
    Overcoming Fear
    Overwhelm
    Pandemic
    Parenting
    People Skills
    Pornography
    Procrastination
    Regret
    Relationships
    Religion
    Responsibility
    Self Care
    Self-care
    Self Esteem
    Self Improvement
    Selfpity
    Sex
    Solving Problems
    Step Families
    Step-families
    Technology
    Teens
    Tragedy
    Trusting Life
    Trust Issues
    Values
    Victim Mentality
    Work

    Take the Clarity Assessment
    Join our Mailing List

    Author

    Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC.  She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.

     She writes a regular weekly advice column that is published on KSL.com every Monday. She is the author of the books Choosing Clarity and The People Guidebook. 

    Go to www.12shapes.com to improve all your relationships. 


    Archives​

    March 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly