LIFEadvice: How can I make changes and better myself?

Question:

I have been trying to change some of my bad habits, because I know I can do better than I am currently doing, but I’m not having much success changing myself. I seem very stuck in my old ways. Can you give me some advice on changing myself?

Answer:

Many people struggle with changing themselves, and it’s easy to understand why. We, as human beings, are often change resistant. Many of our bad habits are deeply planted, subconscious programs that were learned in childhhod and were reinforced in our upbringing. Some were even passed down to us through genetics. These programs can take time to rewrite.

The fact that you are aware of the bad habits and have a desire to change them is the first important step. You have moved from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence. You may still behave badly, but now, you are keely aware of it. This first step, though crucial to the process of change, can be discouraging.

The next step in the process of changing yourself will be forcing yourself to behave differently (moving to conscious competence). If you commit to a new behavior and keep practicing it, eventually it will become your new subconscious habit (unconscious competence).

Here are a few unique ideas that may help you in that process:

• Any change must begin with changing your thoughts. If you change your thinking first, your behavior will follow. Many people find that reading books, taking seminars, or working with a coach or counselor can help them to gain a fresh perspective and think about life differently.
• Break out of your comfort zone and your ruts — do everything you can differently. Start wearing different outfit combinations, order something new to eat, try new recipes and drive home a different route. Change as many habits and routines as you can. This effort to break routines — even little ones — gets your brain ready to change in other ways, too.
• Throw out all the old stuff you are holding onto in your house. When you clean out your closets, mentally send your old bad habits and ways of thinking out with each item you give away. Opening up physical space in your life for new things will also open up space in other areas and prepare you to change yourself. Try it, it works.
• Make a plan for changing. Write down the steps you need to take to change this habit. Set realistic goals and commit to doing each step. Remember that change is a process, though, so let yourself take one small step at a time, day by day, instead of trying to change everything at once.
• Improve your skill set. Take some classes or read some books that will make you more competent in a certain area. Learning new things will make the change easier.
• Get some support. Join a support group or recruit some friends to help and encourage you through the process.
• Ask for help. Getting help from someone who has already made this change will make the road easier for you. Find out what worked for them, and it will save you from making tons of mistakes.
• Make sure you are passion-motivated to make this change. This means you are making this change because you want to, not because you should or need to. Obligation-motivation doesn’t have enough passion behind it, and your enthusiasm will fizzle out. Choose to do this thing for a passion-motivation reason and the enthusiasm will last.
• Take it one day at a time. All you have in your control is what you choose to do right now. Don’t worry about the next hour, day, week or year; focus on today alone and make good choices right now.
• Be patient and don’t expect perfection. Change takes time, and the people who are successful at it don’t get there overnight. Give yourself permission to be a “work in progress” and know you will get there, right on time, if you don’t give up.

You can do this. 

Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in self esteem and changing your life.