First Published on KSL.COMQuestion:
Life is not a happy place in our home right now. Our marriage is not great, I’m struggling at work and I can’t say that I even felt a shred of happiness all week. Do you have any suggestions when someone is just unhappy with life in general?
Tony Robbins says there are six basic needs you must have to feel happy and fulfilled in life.
You cannot wait for life to change. That would take too long and it is largely out of your control. So, you must focus on the one thing that is in your control — your perspective. You always have the power to choose how you feel in this moment, and your perspective will create your experience.
Most people think their reality creates their experience. They think reality forces them to feel a certain way, but it isn’t true. You get to decide how you are going to experience every moment.
It is your decisions, not your conditions, that determine your happiness.
If you are currently unhappy, then it is time to change your mindset and start choosing to experience certainty, uncertainty, significance, love, growth and contribution. I’m going to tell you exactly how to do this. Then you will need to practice these choices until the concepts cement into your subconscious thinking.
1) Change how you see yourself. (Read this out loud now) I choose to see my value with certainty and my significance as a given. I am a one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable, amazing, divine, human soul and there will never be another me. This makes me infinitely valuable and absolutely significant. My value is never in question and cannot change. I am a student in the classroom of life. I am here to learn and grow, but this is not a test, so I cannot fail. I am always good enough, even though I have more to learn. My value is certain and I have nothing to fear.
2) Change how you see your life. (Read this out loud now) I choose to see life as uncertain but with a purpose. That purpose is growth and my learning to love and contribute. I believe life is a surprising adventure because it has to be that way to facilitate growth. Every experience that shows up in my life is an opportunity to learn something, practice trust or become more loving. Every offense, every challenge and every disappointment is there to help me become a better version of myself. Life is uncertain but everything serves me in some way, so I have nothing to fear.
3) Change how you see your mistakes. (Read this out loud now) Life is a classroom, not a test. This means mistakes don’t diminish my value. A mistake is just a learning experience and I must embrace the lesson, make amends where I can, then let it go. I am here to learn love and forgiveness even toward myself. My mistakes do not affect my value and they make me wiser. I have nothing to fear.
4) Change how you see your body. (Read this out loud now) My body is no more “me” than the shirt I am wearing. My genetics are a class I got signed up for here and though they are creating interesting lessons in my life, my body isn’t who I am. My love is who I am. I am wise and take care of my body (like I would my car) because it is the only one I get, but I don’t identify myself by it. Instead of trying to impress people with my appearance, I go get them with my love. My love can bring all goodness to me. I have nothing to fear.
5) Change how you see money. (Read this out loud now) Money is not the scorecard of my worth. If I see money as the scorecard, it will create a scarcity mindset. Instead, I see money as a resource that helps to facilitate my growth and contributions to the world, but is a resource that is always coming in and going out. I see it like the waves of the ocean, which ebb and flow, but are nothing to fear because they always come back in. I have an abundance mentality around money and trust I will always have all I need and more. There is nothing to fear. (Download theMoney Fear Worksheet from my website if this is a big issue for you.)
6) Change how you see your relationship. (Read this out loud now) The biggest misconception people have about love is they think love is something to get. This is inaccurate. The only love I will ever have is the love I have to give. I forgive my partner on a daily basis for their faults, flaws and fears, which make them incapable of giving love to me. I choose to focus on giving love, not getting it. (Unless this is an abuse situation where leaving may be the more loving choice for all involved.) I understand that my being more loving is the magic that will create the happiness I seek.
Tony Robbins says, “Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment.”
I promise if you will choose a more accurate mindset, make a bigger commitment to love, connect and contribute to those around you, while understanding your value is certain, even though the journey isn’t — you will experience amazing growth and feel happier.
You can do this!
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Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC. She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.