Escape the shopping mall with your self-esteem intact

During the holiday season people are already prone to depression, but watching other people spend money on things you can’t afford can push some over the egde.

This time of year, many people leave the mall feeling depressed. Many experience feelings of inadequacy while shopping. Let’s face it: The mall can make you feel out of style and inferior.

One shopper told me she feels good about how she looks everywhere else, but when she sees herself in the mirror at the mall, she is always discouraged. She usually leaves feelings bad about the things she doesn't have.

We, as human beings, have a tendency to focus on what we lack. The problem is, this lack and the feelings of unhappiness it brings are not satisfied when you buy things.

Any satisfaction you feel when you buy something new is quickly replaced by the need for other things you still don’t have.

You can't win at this game.

Is shopping mall depression a problem for you?

• Do you experience jealously over what other people have?
• Do you think people who have more than you are better than you?
• Do you use shopping as a pain killer? Do you buy things to feel better?
• Do you base your self-esteem on how you look and what you wear?

If so, it's time to start basing your self-worth on the right things. You cannot get healthy self-esteem at a store. Choosing better thoughts can make shopping a more positive experience.

Tips for better self esteem while shopping

1. Don’t compare yourself with other people while at the mall. Having more stuff doesn’t make one person better than another. Your value comes from who you are on the inside.
2. Choose gratitude for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Try to notice people who seem worse off than you, and count your blessings.
3. Give yourself permission to be a work in progress. Don’t expect perfection in any area of your life. Life is about learning, growing and changing. You aren’t done yet.
4. Make the time to take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to do things you enjoy. Buy yourself a treat. If you don’t value you, no one else will.
5. Shift your focus to lifting and loving other people. If you focus on edifying other people everywhere you go, you will feel fantastic about who you are. While at the mall, look for opportunities to perform random acts of kindness. Find one person you can do something nice for while you’re there.
6. Focus on the good qualities and traits you possess. Are you a good friend? Are you loyal, honest, kind, compassionate? Are you a person who stops to help other people? Are you responsible, smart, clever or creative? These attributes are “who you are.” Choose to get your self-worth from these traits instead of from external "stuff."
7. Don’t compare yourself with the images in the media. These pictures are air-brushed. They are not real. The person in the picture is not really that beautiful and probably can’t afford the clothes they are wearing, either.
8. Choose to trust that your value isn’t on the line. Self-worth isn’t something you have to earn. Your value is infinite and absolute and comes from the fact that you are a completely unique and irreplaceable human being. You are good enough right now.
9. Choose to be around people who are not focused on material things. Choose friends who understand that “stuff’ isn’t who you are. Stop or limit your associations with anyone that is inherently critical, materialistic or judgmental.
10. Ask Santa for some help for your self-esteem. There are many professionals who specialize in building confidence and eliminating fear. Some sessions of coaching or counseling would make a great gift this year.

Remember, Christmas is supposed to be about love, not shopping. 

Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and entertaining speaker.