Coach Kim: People who practice religion differently than you

This was first published on KSL.COM

​I have written extensively in the past about personality differences and about how we all have a tendency to believe that our way of being is the right way. I've written about different communication styles, different value systems and the different core fears that drive our behaviors to help you understand others and yourself better.

In this article, I want to share personality differences that influence how we show up in our spirituality, religion and faith. We often judge other people when they don't practice religion the way we do. The truth is, no other person will ever have your genes, your parents and your unique life experiences and lessons. So, no other person will view the world, life and spirituality exactly the way you do. We each have the right to be wired our way and see the world from our perspective because we literally can't see it any other way.

We must honor each person's right to be wired the way they are and allow them to be who they are. We must see the value of having different people with different value systems, strengths and weaknesses in our community and choose compassion and gratitude for them over judgment.

As I explain the six spiritual values personality types, understand that you do not fit just one type. You are always a combination of a few — and maybe you even have a little of each — but you will definitely lean a bit toward one or maybe two that dominate the way you practice your faith. As you read about each, think about people you judge because they do faith differently than you do. Remember, there is no absolute truth that says one way of being is inherently better or worse than another. Your value system may tell you that yours is the best, but that is only because you see the world with your value system.

The point in learning about these different types of people is to lessen our judgment, increase our compassion and tolerance, and help us choose love for the people who are different.



The six spiritual values personality types

The enlightenment seeker

These people tend to overvalue personal growth, spirituality and personal spiritual experiences. They often see them as not just the point of life's journey, but as even more important than serving the less fortunate, keeping commandments or being obedient.

Enlightenment seekers take the time to meditate, pray and connect with the divine. They often have amazing spiritual gifts, intuition, visions or dreams. They are always hearing messages and being guided by spirit. They love to share the wisdom they gain and make wonderful teachers or spiritual guides or healers. They serve and give to others this way instead of making casseroles or watching children.

Enlightenment seekers can irritate people who overvalue doctrine, rules, systems or service. Other types don't think they are obedient, service-focused or disciplined enough, but we need people who are like this. We need these seekers to share their spiritual insights and show us how to spiritually connect to the divine.

The servant of the poor

These people tend to overvalue service, especially for people who are struggling, poor, marginalized or in pain. They are highly empathetic and they feel the suffering of others and believe the most important thing one can do is alleviate the suffering of others.

Servants of the poor sacrifice personal time to connect with God, study religion and follow commandments for time to help those who need help today. They find self-esteem, joy and fulfillment in feeding the hungry and showing up for anyone who is down.

Many people assume this way of being is the best value system and the way we should all be, but we also need people who are different from this, who are good at running the systems (churches and religions) and people who take time to have visions and inspired ideas. Servants of the poor can irritate those who see the letter of law as critical because a they will always bend rules to show up for a person.

The do what is righter

These people tend to overvalue the tasks they feel their faith requires of them. They are subconsciously wired to feel their value is connected to their performance and doing all the things God asks. They are obedient (or trying to be), disciplined, and striving to do what is right. This may include a great deal of serving the poor, but it is driven from doing what's right more than feeling the pain of others, like the servant of the poor.

Do what is righters are constantly worried about checking all the boxes, and if they fail to do enough they can be hard on themselves. They also worry about what others think, how they are seen, and they are often people pleasers. Spirituality for these people can be a busy and stressful experience, but they are amazing and productive in all the good they do and how hard they try. They can irritate people who think they are more worried about earning their salvation than they are loving others, but they feel subconscious pressure to earn their value and please God.

The heaven on earth creator

These people believe God means for them to live abundantly and have joy. They strive to create a life of happiness and wealth and then share their blessings with others. They are driven and hard-working but don't much make time for spiritual experiences or studying doctrine. They leave the enlightenment, casserole making, dogmatic ideas and strict obedience to others.

Heaven on earth creators are often very generous and happy to share their wealth with the less fortunate, and without people like this focused on making money and willing to share it, the servants of the poor wouldn't have the means to help others. We need these people and their contributions to make churches, communities and neighborhoods function.

These people can irritate others who fail to see the contributions they make as vital as their own and people who overvalue spirituality and lack balance in their life. Heaven on earth creators understand the importance of balance and they don't let spirituality, religion or faith take over their life. There is nothing wrong with this way of being, but you may think so if you are a type that overvalues spirituality.

The steward of systems

These people are practical, organized and logical. They are the ones who organize and run churches, meditation groups, Bible studies and entire religions. They highly value systems and making organizations function and they understand the need for rules to make this happen. This is something enlightenment seekers, servants of the poor, and heaven on earth creators don't want to do and aren't good at.

Stewards of systems are the ones making plans, creating structure and instituting the policies and procedures needed to make things happen. They are often seen as systemic, letter-of-law and obedience-driven in their practice. They can seem to care more about obedience, repentance, keeping commandments, avoiding sin, and controlling people than they do about love, but that's not necessarily true.

These people see their way of being as loving, because they overvalue the idea that obedience is showing God you love him. They feel God's love for them as they follow the rules. We need these people to be in charge of doctrine, procedures and systems because none of the others want this job.

The knowledge seeker

These people tend to overvalue learning, understanding complex concepts and ideas, doctrine, research and history. They are the great thinkers, writers and seekers of greater knowledge and understanding.

Knowledge seekers love God by seeking to know him and his ways. They spend their spiritual time learning and teaching, and they believe that God wants us to do this. They feel obedient and fulfilled when they are learning and gaining a deeper understanding of God.

These beautiful souls are also needed, though people who undervalue knowledge may be critical of their ways. Knowledge seekers aren't usually as empathetic, giving, spiritual or connected to love as other personality types, but the things they learn and share, serve us all.

For your own spiritual practice: You might want to see the six types in terms of where you are stronger and weaker. Ideally, balance is best and we should strive to be a little of each. If you are deeply entrenched in just one type, you will be overvaluing specific things and undervaluing something else. Could you focus more on areas you undervalue? Would this serve you if you did? Also, acknowledge your strengths and accept those traits and the beauty in them.

You can do this.