Coach Kim: Overwhelmed by Uncertainty

This was first published on KSL.COM

​Uncertainty is the fear of the unknown, and we are all experiencing that these days.

Fear is triggered when we feel out of control or when someone or something doesn't meet our expectations. We all live with various amounts of fear every day. But when a massive problem like a pandemic happens, it throws our entire society into fear and we can quickly become overwhelmed.

Last week, I interviewed James Purpura, founder of Powerful U and the author of the book "Perception: Seeing is Not Believing," to get his thoughts about dealing with the uncertainty and fear we are all feeling.

Understanding where fear comes from

Purpura said that in order to get a fundamental understanding of fear, we must first understand the core principle that dictates all of our experiences: Humans can only act in accordance with their beliefs based on their current physiological state.

The "belief" part is where many experts contend that we don’t actually have free will, Purpura said, because we can only act in accordance with our beliefs. This is true because our beliefs create our perception of everything, he said.

Why are so many people acting irrationally when the vast majority of them know logically that they are not at risk of dying from the COVID-19 virus? The answer might shock you. Purpura said it’s because they don’t have a choice to act differently.

This is where your physiological state (your body’s ability to function) comes into play, because it dictates which parts of the brain you are able to access, he said. When you’re in a fear state — fight or flight — you only have access to the part of your brain that deals with survival. When you are in survival mode, you are in a reactionary state and you don’t have access to the area of the brain that dictates logic or reason.

Purpura explained that when you are in the physiology of fear, your mind views everything as a matter of life and death, which means it weighs every decision against your need to survive. This is why you feel so much resistance when you are in a fear state, and why you sometimes act irrationally and do things you don’t really want to do, he said. Everyone knows that there is no logical need to have hundreds of rolls of toilet paper stockpiled in a garage, yet some otherwise reasonable people still buy more than necessary.

Breaking free of fear

How do we break out of the physiology of fear and regain access to the rational parts of our brain? Purpura said we do it the same way our species has for hundreds of thousands of years.

But first, he said, it’s important to understand that we can’t rationalize our way out of fear. This is because our minds are no longer in control; our bodies are.

Your body has to send a signal to your brain that the danger has passed and it is time to move out of fear into a higher state of awareness, Purpura said. You may need some deep diaphragmatic breathing to calm yourself down and change your state back to logic.

Back in the days when our ancestors really were fighting for survival, when they finished running to escape or were done fighting, Purpura explained, the first thing they did was catch their breath. This would be impossible to do until they were safe. That is why deep breathing is the signal to your brain that you can relax. That is also why meditation can be effective.

Deep breathing in meditation lets you take control of your physiology, Purpura explained. Most people don’t meditate because they find it hard to clear their minds, he said, but most of the benefits of meditation come from the breathing.

What to do when you're overwhelmed by fear

First, recognize the shift in physiology due to the fear.Fear usually shows up in your body in the chest, midsection or stomach, Purpura said, but it can show up anywhere. If you catch it early enough, you can just breathe until the anxiety associated with the fear dissipates. Then you can process the fear rationally.

If you don’t catch it right away, you can try the process below, but there are a few things you need to know first, Purpura said. This will take practice, and you will likely fail a few times before you get it right. Your mind may resist this process until it realizes that there is less pain associated with doing the process than defaulting to a fear pattern you instinctively run to.

When you experience fear that overwhelms your system, you will default to actions or behaviors to escape the pain, Purpura said. These behaviors become patterns that now run automatically whenever your fear is triggered. These patterns can be almost anything, including: addiction, expressing anger, beating yourself up, or even buying more toilet paper than you need. Awareness is the key to changing your automatic response to fear, Purpura said.

As feelings of fear, pain and discomfort intensify, you will start moving toward the behavior pattern you think will keep you from pain. But just before you engage in that unhealthy behavior, there will always be a pause. This pause, Purpura said, is your opportunity to shift out of the fear state before you engage your old pattern. Once that pattern is activated, it is very difficult to interrupt because you are then on autopilot.

Here are some steps Purpura recommends for taking advantage of the pause:

• Become aware of the fear triggers and emotional responses in the body.
• Recognize the pause and be willing to act. If you're not willing to move forward and do something other than your old pattern it’s totally fine, but be sure to track the pattern as it plays out and how much pain is associated with running that pattern. This is important, because your system will always move you toward the solution that has the least amount of pain. Recognizing that the pattern creates more pain than this new process will create more willingness.
• Breathe. Take deep, connected breaths. Inhale out from your abdomen and up into your chest. Open-mouth breathing is effective for moving a lot of emotion quickly. At the peak of the inhale, begin your exhale and continue this connected breath. Keep breathing until you start to feel your body relax. As you continue you will feel your physiology start to shift from a tense fear state into a relaxed, balanced state.
• Allow emotions to show up. Continue to breathe deeply as you feel and embrace the emotions and pain that are associated with the fear. Just know that you can handle whatever emotions surface and keep breathing.
• Release the expectation. Open yourself up to face the fear and where it came from (often, these fears are ingrained from a childhood experience or past trauma). Then, identify and release the unmet expectation that created the fear.
• Learn. Ask yourself this question: "Is there anything important that this fear is revealing to me or trying to show or teach me?" Now, breathe and notice any response in your body, visualizations, ideas, desires, etc. We create these fear responses for a reason. While they are there to protect us, they are often based on false information. Assess the information with a calm mind to see more clearly if the fear is actually serving you or not. It can help to journal this step.
• Integrate and release the fear by breathing deeply as you allow the fear to surface. Be grateful for the fear and the protection it was giving you. Continue breathing until the energy/pain dissipates. It may help to say aloud: "I allow this fear to be here," "I allow myself to learn why this fear is here," and "I release this fear," while continuing your conscious breathing.

Purpura has been teaching and using this technique for years. I have found it very effective myself and recommend you try it when fear of the unknown gets triggered this week.

You can do this.

Coach Kim Giles is a master life coach and James Purpura is the author of the new book and Sundance Award Movie‘Perception: Seeing is not believing’. Powerful-U offers tools and assistance to all those who are seeking growth.