This was first published on ksl.com
I read your recent article about dating and changing the way you felt about past experiences to help you get brave enough to get out there. My problem is that I am getting older and dating just hasn’t worked and it’s been exhausting and discouraging, so I have reached a point where I have decided not to care anymore. I am focusing on being a happy single person and building a great life alone. I wonder sometimes if this is driven by fear of trying anymore. Is this a healthy mindset to stop looking and give up? I think it would be great to find someone, but I refuse to go anywhere or do anything about it, because it just makes me less happy. What do you think on this? Which mindset is better for single people to have?
My answer is, it depends. There is no right answer across the board for all single people. What is right for you, might be wrong for someone else, because the life journey that would serve your education best, is different than the right one for another.
I have had times when I felt that focusing on my own growth, instead of dating, was right for me. During this time, if I tried to date it wouldn't work, absolutely, nothing would happen, because I wasn’t supposed to be there. I have had other times when my intuition nudged me to get out there and date. You are the only one entitled to know what your right mindset and path should be, right now. So, you have to look inside yourself for the answer.
This also applies to people who are struggling in their marriage and trying to figure out if divorce is right for them, or people who are debating whether to keep a job or start a business. The answers for you, have to come from you. You must avoid letting other people tell you what they would do or think is right for you (and many will have opinions). Your gut feeling is the only thing that matters
We each have what I call an “inner GPS” that nudges us towards the perfect classroom journey for us. These nudges don’t always lead to the easiest or most painless paths. The right path for you might be a difficult, painful one, but it’s still right, because it will teach you the lessons you need.
The trick is learning to listen to your “inner GPS” and trusting it. Here are a couple suggestions that will make trusting yourself easier:
In your situation, with dating being the question, I would tell you to watch for nudges. If you keep getting invited to events where you could meet people, and you keep feeling like you should go, that is a nudge. If you feel peaceful staying home and off dating sites, and there are no nudges coming, you are probably on the right track. For single people,
I generally recommend being so in trust about your value and your journey that you could be happy either way. You should be so happy on your own that you don’t need a partner to complete you, but you also should not be scared at all to date and meet people.
Stay in trust that if you supposed to be in a relationship, your inner GPS will nudge you towards it right on time. It isn’t going to let you miss a critical turn. The universe has you safe, knows what lessons you need next and wants you to live with joy and fulfillment all the time, no matter your situation. Trust this and you will find the right path for you.
You can do this.
Coach Kim Giles is a sought after relationship coach who helps couples and individuals improve themselves and their quality of life. You can get a Value Decisions Worksheet and a healthy dating mindset worksheet at www.claritypointcoaching.com
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These articles were originally published on KSL.COM
Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC. She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.