Searchable Blog Articles Master Coach Kim Giles
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search

Self-esteem lessons from ‘The Bachelor’

1/14/2013

0 Comments

 
Question:

I have always compared myself to others, way too much. How do I stop, and how do I stop letting what other people think of me matter so much?

Answer:

Comparing yourself to others means you haven’t claimed your power to decide how you will value yourself. Without an internal source of self-esteem, you are letting other people — and how you compare to them — determine your value.

You can continue to let other people determine how you feel about yourself if you want to, but I wouldn't recommend it. You can change the way you value yourself right now by changing your perspective.

You can learn a lot about low self-esteem from watching ABC’s "The Bachelor": It is a perfect case study on what not to do. Many of the women on this show (even the beautiful ones) are desperately in need of external validation because they don’t know who they are, either.

These women let this one guy and his interest in them determine their value as a human being. They take rejection way too personally, and this lack of self-worth leads to some pretty immature behavior.

These women also spend too much time comparing themselves to each other. If they find fault in another woman (and see her as worse than them) they feel OK, but if another girl is at all pretty, fun or nice, she is seen as a threat, and this creates more insecurity and fear.

This fear, the fear of not being good enough, is the single most damaging fear you experience. You must put this fear to rest and stop letting outside influences determine your value.

Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time and energy because you are a completely unique, irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind being on a very personal journey of growth and learning. You are incomparable on every level.

It would be like comparing a raspberry, grape, strawberry, peach and mango and trying to decide which was best. Their qualities are so different you cannot compare them. You are incomparable, amazing and divine, and it is time for you to own that.

But you have a subconscious voice of fear in your head that is going to keep trying to compare you to others and keep you in fear. You are going to have to wake up, catch yourself doing this and stop it. You can choose a different way to value who you are. This is not difficult but will take some practice.

Below are five things you can practice choosing, which will help.

  1. Recognize the truth about who you are. You are an incomparable, irreplaceable, infinitely valuable human being on a unique and personal journey of growth. Life is a classroom, not a test, so your value is not on the line here. This means that you cannot fail. You are good enough right now.
  2. Choose to see other people as the same as you. The voice of fear in your head sees other people as either better than you or worse than you. This tendency creates a lot of unnecessary drama in your life. You can choose to see everyone as an amazing, imperfect, irreplaceable human being in process just like you. When you do this, you will eliminate most of the self-pity and insecurity you experience around other people.
  3. Focus more on other people than yourself. When you focus on giving attention, validation and love to other people, your fears about not being good enough disappear. You cannot experience love and fear at the same time. When you find yourself comparing or worrying about what others think, change your focus to love instead. The more you do this, the more you will like who you are.
  4. Improve your response-ability. You can improve your ability to respond to situations in your life by reading self-help books, attending seminars, or working with a life coach or counselor. When you learn to handle life with more maturity, strength and wisdom, you will like who you are even more.
  5. Be responsible. Take an honest inventory of where in life you are shirking responsibility, playing small or letting fear stop you from being the best you can be. Recognize these areas and commit to change them.
Working on these five things will change how you feel about yourself, and it will also change how other people see you. People are drawn to those who know who they are, know where their value comes from, and who don’t let outside influences take that away from them.

Insecurity and neediness are not attractive.

Make a new rule in your head, that comparing yourself with other people is not allowed. When you catch yourself going there, stop it. Choose to value yourself accurately.

Remember, your real value comes from your love for life, yourself and others; your character; and your values. It does not come from your appearance, your weight or what other people think of you — these things are irrelevant.

Stop worrying about your clothes and your hairdo and go get them with your love. Everywhere you go, choose to be a source of love and validation in the room and trust that your value isn’t in question. These small changes will change everything.

You can do this. 

Kimberly Giles gives her advice in the "LIFEadvice" series every Monday on ksl.com. She is the president of Claritypoint Life Coaching and a sought-after life coach and popular speaker. www.claritypointcoaching.com
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Search for Help

    Visit https://linktr.ee/kimgiles​
    and
    Claritypointcoaching.com
    FOR MORE FREE
    RESOURCES
    ​
    Coaching is less expensive than you think -  If you need help we can find you a coach you can afford. 
    Call Tiffany
    801-201-8315

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Aging
    Anger
    Blended Families
    Boundaries
    Changing Emotions
    Choices
    Christmas
    Clear Thinking
    Communication
    Critisism
    Dating
    Dealing With The Past
    Decisions
    Depression
    Difficult People
    Discouragement
    Divorce
    Empathy
    Equality
    Family
    Fighting
    Forgiveness
    Goals
    Happiness
    Helping Other People
    Human Behavior
    Illness
    Intimacy
    Kindness
    Listening
    Love
    Marriage
    Mental Health
    Mistakes
    Money
    New Year
    Overcoming Fear
    Overwhelm
    Pandemic
    Parenting
    People Skills
    Pornography
    Procrastination
    Regret
    Relationships
    Religion
    Responsibility
    Self Care
    Self-care
    Self Esteem
    Self Improvement
    Selfpity
    Sex
    Solving Problems
    Step Families
    Step-families
    Technology
    Teens
    Tragedy
    Trusting Life
    Trust Issues
    Values
    Victim Mentality
    Work

    Take the Clarity Assessment
    Join our Mailing List

    Author

    Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC.  She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.

     She writes a regular weekly advice column that is published on KSL.com every Monday. She is the author of the books Choosing Clarity and The People Guidebook. 

    Go to www.12shapes.com to improve all your relationships. 


    Archives​

    March 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly