Searchable Blog Articles Master Coach Kim Giles
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search
  • Blog/Articles
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search

Quit living with regrets about your past

7/29/2013

0 Comments

 
Question:

How do I stop beating myself up for past mistakes? I made some bad choices that ruined an important relationship, and I made some bad choices that caused me to miss opportunities, which will never come again. I could beat myself up forever about those choices and what might have been different in my life, if I’d been smarter. How does one get past those kinds of mistakes?

Answer:

“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been.”

Kurt Vonnegut penned those words, and they sting every person who reads them. Almost everyone on the planet has regrets (decisions they wish they had made differently over the course of their lives). If you spend too much time here, these regrets could rob you the happiness you should be experiencing today. You can't let this happen.

It doesn’t serve you to punish yourself over and over for past transgressions, especially because you can't change them. Spending time here would mean borrowing suffering from your past and letting it ruin today.

The question is how can you eliminate these feelings of shame and regret?

Here are six things you can do to change the way you feel about your past and change the way you create your future:

  1. Choose to let go of shame. It doesn’t serve you to hold onto fear of not being good enough because of past mistakes. You are here to learn and grow, and growing is a process that requires mistakes. You had to make some or you wouldn’t know what you now know. SHAME over past choices is like saying you Should Have Already Mastered Everything. That’s ridiculous, isn’t it? You must give yourself permission be a work in progress and to have been a work in progress all along. When you allow yourself to be a work in progress, you can let go of shame.
  2. See mistakes as locations on your journey through life, but don't let them define you. See life as a road trip. You have driven through some bad experiences or locations, but they don't define who you are. You went there, but you didn't move in and stay there. You traveled through and realized that wasn't where you wanted to live. Seeing past experiences this way will make you feel better.
  3. Choose to trust that the choices you made were the right choices for you, even if they didn't end well. I believe if I'd needed a different lesson I would have chosen a different path. Apparently this was my perfect journey and I needed these experiences, even if I can't yet see the reason. Living with trust in the journey will make a huge difference.
  4. Give yourself permission to be a student in the classroom of life. At every point on your journey, you were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time. You couldn’t have known more or seen things differently than you did. If you knew then, what you know now, you would obviously have acted differently, but you couldn’t have known it then, because you had to go through everything you’ve experienced (including those bad decisions) to learn it. Just like a painter hangs a sign on his unfinished paintings, reminding all who walk by it is a “work in progress,” you are a human being in process. When you give yourself permission to be a work in progress, you will also give others that permission too.
  5. Make a list of the choices you regret over the last 20 years. Then write down 10 positive things that each of those choices has brought into your life. This is an exercise Viktor Frankl (author of "Man’s Search for Meaning”) recommended to his patients. If you can see the positive impact those choices have had on your life, you will feel differently about them. Seeing the lesson will lessen the sting. Often those choices taught you important things about the kind of person you don’t want to be.
  6. Focus on the lessons those experiences taught you. What does remembering those bad choices tell you about how you want to live today? Mistakes or bad choices can serve you if they help you create the future you want. Focus on your future behavior and the person you now want to become. That is the only thing in your control. What actions can you take today or this week to put these important lessons to work?
Victoria Moran wrote, “In terms of days and moments lived, you’ll never again be as young as you are right now, so spend this day, the youth of your future, in a way that deflects regret. Invest in yourself. Have some fun. Do something important. Love somebody extra. In one sense, you’re just a kid, but a kid with enough years on her to know that every day is priceless.”

Don’t waste another minute of today dwelling in fear over things that are over and gone. Focus on being the person you want to be. Choose to focus on the future only because it's more productive.

You can do this. 

Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of ldslifecoaching.com and claritypointcoaching.com. She is a life coach and speaker who specializes in repairing and building self-esteem.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Search for Help

    Visit https://linktr.ee/kimgiles​
    and
    Claritypointcoaching.com
    FOR MORE FREE
    RESOURCES
    ​
    Coaching is less expensive than you think -  If you need help we can find you a coach you can afford. 
    Call Tiffany
    801-201-8315

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Aging
    Anger
    Blended Families
    Boundaries
    Changing Emotions
    Choices
    Christmas
    Clear Thinking
    Communication
    Critisism
    Dating
    Dealing With The Past
    Decisions
    Depression
    Difficult People
    Discouragement
    Divorce
    Empathy
    Equality
    Family
    Fighting
    Forgiveness
    Goals
    Happiness
    Helping Other People
    Human Behavior
    Illness
    Intimacy
    Kindness
    Listening
    Love
    Marriage
    Mental Health
    Mistakes
    Money
    New Year
    Overcoming Fear
    Overwhelm
    Pandemic
    Parenting
    People Skills
    Pornography
    Procrastination
    Regret
    Relationships
    Religion
    Responsibility
    Self Care
    Self-care
    Self Esteem
    Self Improvement
    Selfpity
    Sex
    Solving Problems
    Step Families
    Step-families
    Technology
    Teens
    Tragedy
    Trusting Life
    Trust Issues
    Values
    Victim Mentality
    Work

    Take the Clarity Assessment
    Join our Mailing List

    Author

    Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC.  She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.

     She writes a regular weekly advice column that is published on KSL.com every Monday. She is the author of the books Choosing Clarity and The People Guidebook. 

    Go to www.12shapes.com to improve all your relationships. 


    Archives​

    March 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly