LIFEadvice: Beat anxiety by staying positive, staying present

Question:

I need some help dealing with anxiety. It’s not serious enough for medication, but I do worry all the time about everything. I was hoping you could give me some “life coach advice” on quieting the fears in my head. I drive my husband crazy with my worrying and I wish I could be more peaceful like him.

Answer:

Here are some principles which may help you change this.

Principle: Worry never robs tomorrow of its problems, it only robs today of its joy.

Studies have shown most things you worry about will never happen and the things which do happen are usually out of your control, so no amount of worrying could prevent them.

This means that worry is a waste of your time and energy. It does not change the outcome of the future at all, but it definitely affects the quality of your life today.

You may think that worrying protects you. You may believe worrying helps you avoid or prevent problems. It doesn’t.

Doubt, fear and worry are not motivating. They sap your energy, leaving you less able to deal with real problems when they actually happen.

Sir William Osler recommended living your life in “day-tight" compartments, meaning you focus on what is in your control today and leave the problems that might happen to tomorrow.

Principle: Setting aside a specific time to worry makes worrying more difficult to do.

Don’t try to stop worrying. This actually keeps you thinking about not thinking about it, which is actually still thinking about it.

Instead, set aside a specific time in your day to do all your worrying. If worry shows up before then, tell yourself, “Not now, I’m going to worry about that later.”

When the time comes, give yourself 30 minutes to deeply dwell in worry about everything that's on your mind. You may find it’s difficult to do it that long.

Principle: You will find peace by focusing on solutions.

During your worry time, instead of dwelling on your fears, focus on solutions to the problem if it actually arises. Spend time researching the issue and make sure you have all the facts.

Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said, “Half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision.”

Don't assume anything. Get all the facts, and solutions will be easier to find.

Principle: Uncertainty is part of life, and it doesn’t have to scare you.

Accept that uncertainty is beautiful part of the adventure of life. Not knowing what tomorrow holds isn’t a bad thing. Just because it is "unknown" shouldn’t scare you. Your future is just as likely to be good as it is bad.

Most people would like to know exactly what to expect so they could prepare themselves, but there is a reason life doesn’t work that way: It would ruin the adventure.

Life is a fantastic adventure with each day being a journey into a previously untouched place. It's exciting this way.

Choose to trust the Universe that things will work out and you will be OK. If you stay positive and stay in trust, you are more likely to attract a positive future.

Principle: Focus on being present, and you are always OK.

Practice being more present in the moment, because you are always OK right now — and there will never be a moment when it isn’t right now. So you have nothing to worry about.

George Macdonald said, “No man ever sank under the burden of the day. It is when tomorrow's burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear.”

Take everything one moment at a time. You can plan for future events, but don't hold fear around them. Choose your emotion in this moment right now.

Principle: Fear is a choice.

You do not have to be worried or scared about anything. You get to choose your attitude and mindset in each situation. You get to decide how you will experience your life.

You can choose to experience each situation with fear or you can choose to ride through it with hope, trust and optimism. You can choose to focus on other people instead of dwelling on your worries. This makes a big difference.

You may not believe that you have a choice about your fear — especially if you are in a habit of dwelling in drama and suffering — but you do. Fear is a choice, and so is peace.

Choose to trust that your value is infinite and absolute and you are not here to fail. Choose to trust that life is a classroom and every experience a lesson here to teach you something.

Choose to trust that things will work out for the best. Choose to trust yourself to find the solutions to problems, because you are meant to.

“There is much in the world to make us afraid. There is much more in our faith to make us unafraid.” – Fredick W. Cropp

Practice choosing trust instead of worry. You can do this. 

Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in self esteem. Watch Coach Kim on KSLAM every Monday at 6:15am