This was first published on KSL.COM
My husband jumps at every request his adult daughter asks of him and she is constantly asking her dad for help on different needed repairs. He is very attentive and will quickly run to help. I've been needing repairs in our home too and I don't see him having that same desire to help me. Should I let this bother me and just let it go? I just don’t feel as valued as his daughter. A relationship takes a lot of work and I'm willing to put in the work, but I feel that I'm putting in more than he is. He also really hurts me when we have disagreements. He keeps every negative, critical thing about me in his head and spouts them off every time we fight. As a result my self esteem is suffering. I walk away from disagreements wanting to get out of this marriage more than work on myself. I’ve tried to explain to him the damage he is causing but he responds by listing things I’ve done to cause damage too. We are both in our second marriages but I don’t know how to stay in a relationship where most of the time an argument ends with me feeling like I’m the one at fault, I’m the one with most of the issues. What can I do?
Here are three things you can do to turn this situation around and bring the love back.
If you don’t like how these conversations end, you must learn how to validate his worth and make him feel safe and valued, then ask for what you need. The steps above will help you do this, but you must also fix your fears, self-worth issues and stop keeping score.
There is a Understanding your Marriage Questionnaire on my website which will let you take an honest inventory of the ways fear is poisoning your relationship. You should both fill it out on your own after reading this article. I also recommend getting some professional help now, before you both hurt each other any more. People tend to wait to ask for help, until it’s almost too late.
Don’t do that.
Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness.
You can do this.
Click here to read other Marriage Advice articles by Coach Kim
Kimberly Giles is the president of claritypointcoaching.com. She is the author of the book "Choosing Clarity: The Path to Fearlessness" and a popular life coach, speaker and people skills expert.
FOR MORE FREE
Coaching is less expensive than you think - If you need help we can find you a coach you can afford.
Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC. She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.