I’ve done everything they say you should do to create success and happiness. I’ve sacrificed a lot and worked hard, and I’m very successful. But I’m definitely not happy. I’m always afraid of losing what I have. My marriage is OK, but not wonderful and I don’t really feel loved. I don’t think I can be happy unless this changes. Bottom line, my life feels slightly empty in spite of my accomplishments. Any advice for me?
Anthony de Mello said, “There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”
The false belief, which causes most of our unhappiness, is the belief that our life should be different from what it is. We honestly believe that different circumstances would make us happier. If our spouse just loved us more, if we could get a promotion, if we could just move somewhere else, then we’d be happy.
But the idea that happiness is attained through external situations is a myth, because there are lots of people who have what you say you want and still aren’t happy.
You were subconsciously trained as a child to believe that happiness is attached to external circumstances, but it isn't true. Happiness isn’t created through what you do, have, or experience. It doesn’t come from having someone love you. It doesn’t come from money, achievements or fame. It comes from something much deeper (yet more simple) — it comes from a positive, accurate outlook or mindset about life.
Happiness is a choice you can make in any circumstance.
If you want to feel happier, you must change some of your false beliefs about life and learn how to choose happiness even when circumstances aren’t ideal.
It is possible to be happy even when life disappoints you. It’s not easy — but it is possible. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel sad and mourn a loss, but it means you won’t choose to live there. You can create a state of happiness inside yourself regardless of your circumstances and this is really the only way you will ever get it.
Here are some suggestions to help you choose more happiness:
Remember you get to decide the weather, wherever you are. It is easier to pretend you are powerless and blame others or life for how you feel, but this is a cop-out. You really do have the power to control your emotions and choose to be happy if you want to.
I’m going to work this with you.
We can do it!
Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of claritypointcoaching.com. She is also the author of the new book CHOOSING CLARITY: The Path to Fearlessness. She offers free coaching calls every Tuesday night.
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Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC. She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.